Mind Games & Blow Outs

Lowering calories post binge the other day to around 1700 calories caused extreme energy loss and mind fucks this week. I’m not sure if combined with the sudden binge and subsequent lowering of calories induced the wicked drop in mental state and energy, but this has been by far the hardest week thus far.

Some days at work, it took every ounce of energy and triple doses of stimulants to stay awake and make it through the day. Strength felt like it was ebbing away, I have been feeling flat and small and my temper and moods have transcended the irritable and snappy to the point that I just want to be alone most days.

Added to all this, I broke up/separated from my long time girlfriend of 4 years. This beautiful soul has been subjected to my daily rants and bad moods until we decided after one of our daily blow ups that time apart would be best for both of us. It seems almost a cliché reminiscent and worthy of the Raising The Bar documentary. I was going to ditch this contest prep shit out the window when that happened, but the guys at the gym have been extremely supportive and talked me down off the ledge. My plummeting hormone levels confirmed through recent blood tests probably haven’t helped things out in this area. I can’t even remember the last time I felt any kind of libido, and thoughts and actions involving sex have long gone.

I also feel so confused about my approach to all this. Do I cut back on training volume? What do I do with my calories? How often should I add in high carb days? It’s the daily mind fuck of wondering what do next that makes this hard, and also makes me wish I had gone with a prep coach to sort out these questions, because as of now, all objectivity has gone out the window.

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